Bless 'em…..
I have been extremely fortunate with my neighbours although there are some that would say the opposite about me, I am sure.
The security all know my apartment and can even identify people heading to my apartment before they even ask...such is my reputation. The police however have yet to identify me as I NEVER answer the door, and instead, my friends volunteer role playing. It is always more fun dealing with them when you know ultimately it is not your ass on the line with the noise violation. I am sure that is why I was offered the same size apartment but facing not onto the courtyard, but the marina at a discounted price. I remember with great disgust the time when my lovely and talented opera singer friend "Summer” gave an impromptu performance off my balcony, only for someone to slam their window shut! Do you know how much that private performance would cost you???
Now I only have to contend with the sea lions for noise as my sailing neighbours are rarely there. I have no neighbours above and the neighbours below have 2 dogs that bark all day while they are out at work so we are at evens. I have a core group of neighbours consisting of the cheeky Frenchman who, for over a year and a half, gave me an 80% discount on all international courier services, much wine and cheese, and has become good friend. He was horrified recently to learn I had been living on lentils all week, so now he phones me every few days to make sure I am eating and if I need anything. A very wonderful and dear neighbour indeed.
Then there is the kick ass aqua instructor who within seconds of meeting her will ask you to punch her stomach…do it before she punches you. This woman is like a rock and an inspiration to what you can achieve with discipline and exercise. I am equally committed to exercising as I am to partying, so give and take... When I broke my toes the week before the Oscars, we had daily sessions on the noodle working my "tush!” She has 2 beautiful daughters who are aspiring actresses. Ava was there for me when I trapped a nerve after sleeping over at a randy personal trainer's...I would only sleep on a tiny couch in fear of being pawed! She came armed with massage oil, some electronic neck massager, pain killers and gave me 30 min massage...a star! Thinking back I remember sending a text out to all my neighbours asking for painkillers and received a smorgasboard of pills and potions in return. I slept well that night. I also asked for chocolate but was not so lucky on that occasion.
There is my other neighbour who is away filming most of the time but made me smile and was the inspiration behind writing this up. I was working late and had the chocolate craving (these are a new and hopefully passing phase). I was about to pop out for a fix when realised I had forgotten to bank my check and my Abbey card was on the blink...choco not. I texted my friend and we rallied together. He had ice cream sandwiches and I had Hersheys chocolate sauce…fix accomplished. In the choco fix chat I explained my dilemma was down to one of the interns discovering my stash and clearing me out. I had told her to help herself to any water and tea etc. The sight of shiny wrappers hidden in the depths of my fridge drawer meant this naughty little mouse was drawn like a moth to the flame…and I was left choco-less. About 30 minutes after he left, he sent a text asking if I was awake and that there was a surprise at the door. It was like Father Christmas delivering the golden ticket...hanging off my door handle were 4 huge bars of the same chocolate that had been snitched. I am still smiling although feeling rather sick as I've already ate 2 bars today, but I did share with the girls...honest!
My final neighbour who lives next door is from Germany and my vodka fairy. She has been known to turn up with huge bottles of whisky and has no qualms of sending her flatmate out to restock our supplies when soiree night happens. I do not have a tv, out of choice, and will pop over for vodka and toast on the rare free evening. On one occasions, she invited me over as I did not know how to cook veggie burgers (patties) and was amused to see her trying to cook them in the toaster. It was on one of these such evenings that I discovered the foot cushion. I recall watching Billy Connolly many years ago in hysterics over the giant slipper they used to advertise in the newspapers and to watch him jumping around the stage. Now this, and I cannot help but be rather disgusted about the hygiene aspects. I would never wear the same pair of socks twice without washing. As I snapped away at this curious delight I could not help but think about what lurked within. A breeding ground of those little nasties that you see on adverts about carpet and beds or school children’s heads. They were swiftly removed...
I think it is important to know who your neighbours are. My neighbours in London are equally fantastic and I still go back now each year for Christmas dinner. It is all so easy to dismiss these relations as a thing of the past but if you make the effort, you will be will be pleasantly surprised unless they are tall, have a South African accent and try and follow you to the door. I pretend my headphones are on but they are not…you are odd…go away….
